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I don’t mean have you got the cot, pushchair, breast pump, sling, sleepsuits, vest etc., etc., etc., etc.
I mean, are you ready for the change of pace?
Are you ready, for your day to day life, to slow down?
When people talk about children and being a parent the usual chat is about the chaos, the constant-ness of it all. And this is absolutely something toddlers, teenagers and in between bring in abundance. But babies, they are at a different pace. A slower one.
9 months + (I am a 10 ‘monther’!) is a long time and the preparation, excitement and anticipation is huge, as the big day comes. The last month of pregnancy can be surprisingly busy, including stopping work (although perhaps you’re working right up to your due date), prepping for the big day, sorting the house, nesting coming into its own, hypnobirthing groups and practice, antenatal groups, preparing your birth partner, hospital bag packed, unpacked, packed, unpacked, homebirth prep, midwife appointments …. The list goes on and on.
What do you expect, when baby comes?
Babies are slow… They don’t really do very much, and yet at times it feels like you can’t keep up. Babies sleep… lots and lots and lots and it can feel like an anti-climax, a relief, the calm after the storm, especially if you are a busy person, when they don’t do anything. They feed, but only in small, very small amounts at the beginning, and they poo! Which can be the excitement of the day, especially if you are using cloth nappies and you get to choose a new print or design.
But most of us are not prepared for this slowness. We are not prepared to do nothing…to just sit and feed your baby for 45min maybe, an hour, or just holding them and do nothing else. To sleep during the day, when your baby sleeps. To have other people cook, clean, tidy, do stuff for us! Imagine that…someone actually caring for you, loving you, so that YOU can love and care for your baby.
To just hold your baby!
It can be hard to see the achievement, to feel you are not doing anything…..but you are!
Holding your baby is one of the best ways of bonding, connecting, helping baby feel secure, loved and safe. Do not underestimate the power of simple touch and connection. You are creating a foundation for your children.
How do we prepare for the slower paced life of a newborn?
I could say you don’t, it’s something you learn but I am not sure that is true. We move so fast these days, we need to learn to find pockets of slowness.
I used Hypnobirthing. It introduced me to a slowness, a relaxation I was not used to. Yes it gave me tools to help with birth but it also gave me the ability to stop and not feel guilty. To take the time I need and actually know that this is right for me and right for my baby.
It is really hard sometimes, even if you have practiced relaxation in whatever form, to sleep when baby sleeps, or to leave the washing, dishes, cooking for someone else to do. To not feel guilty that you feel like you are not ‘pulling your weight’, but being able to remind yourself that this slow pace will help your body heal, help you bond, connect with your baby and help you mentally process everything that has happened in the last 9-10 months, let alone the actual birth.
Start practicing today. Take 2 minutes right now and do nothing, just breathe. Listen to your breath. Feel your breath in your belly, in your lungs. What temperature is it? Are you breathing through your nose, mouth? Vary it, see how it feels. Take this time to just stop and maybe do this tomorrow too, and the next day.
And when you are sitting on the sofa with your newborn in your arms and you think what will I do, say nothing…. Just breathe and take this moment. No pressure to enjoy, no pressure to do anything, just take it.
