Mindset, according to the Oxford English dictionary, obviously one of my favourite dictionaries of all time, is a set of attitudes or fixed ideas that someone has that are often difficult to change. And I think that’s quite an important point, they are difficult to change.
What I am going to talk about today is how changing your mindset about Birth can help reduce fear and pain in labour. One of the best ways of reducing fear in labour is to understand what our mindset is and use the tools and techniques that we teach in Hypnobirthing to change that mindset.
Our attitudes and ideas are what we have learned throughout our entire life. Our brain has taken them in like a sponge. Everything that we have seen, heard, talked about, everything goes into our brain and our brains are very complex. Don’t worry we’re not going to go into Neuro-science,
In Hypnobirthing we talk a lot about the limbic system. Situated at the back of our skull, just above the spinal cord. The limbic system (a lot of people call it their Old Brain, or the primitive part of the brain), it’s what we used to have when we were Neanderthals, cavepeople; way back when, before our cerebral cortex (the large front part of our brain, logical thinking part) evolved. It is what keeps us safe. It’s our primitive part of the brain and it holds our survival instinct.
The three things about the Limbic System that we are interested in are:
- It’s capacity to hold memory
- The emotional response to that memory
- Survival instinct.
Our brain is like a computer. It’s like a sponge, but I think as an analogy, the computer one is more accurate. Once you have stored or simply uploaded something on a computer, it takes a long time to get it deleted. In some cases, it just will never go. It will always be there.
And that’s like our brain! Everything we watch, read, listen to, is uploaded into our brain and will stay there, it will have an effect on our mindset, on our body!. The information we take in will have an effect on our ideas and our attitudes towards a certain subject.
At this moment I ask you to examine what your attitudes and your ideas are when it comes to birth and labour.
When you think about giving birth, when you think about going into labour or when you just think of that idea, that image, that picture of Birth, what do you see? What do you feel? What are the emotions around it? What are the words that come up for you?
And then I want you to take some time and think about where did these attitudes and ideas, where did this picture of birth come from? Where have you seen them? Where have you heard them? Where do they come from?
Let’s have a little bit of a think about our society and what our society’s attitudes and ideas to Birth are.
So in my opinion, Birth is a taboo subject.
We don’t talk about anything to do with women’s anatomy, bleeding, the Vagina, Breasts Menopause. We just don’t talk about it in ‘normal’ society. We don’t talk about periods. We don’t talk about menstruation, menopause. We don’t talk about anything to do with the female body or reproductive systems, it’s taboo.
And so our bodies come a bit, become a bit taboo themselves.
We oversexualize our bodies, loads of sexual images, loads of big billboard images, movies, glossy magazines of the ‘perfect’ body and things like that. Our media perpetuates a story that possibly we have already been told.
My Mum, she has had four live babies and all her births were quite difficult. It is very common, normal, natural to talk about your births to your children and I totally think we should. I always knew that my birth was quite difficult and I always knew it was hard for her. That was my first introduction, first memory of Birth.
My Brain’s first ‘memory’, first programming of Birth was that it was difficult and hard, that it hurt my mother (who I love very much), that it almost hurt me!. And then that memory, that programming was just built on, enhanced through TV programs, movies, films, watching Sonia in EastEnders give birth, was it under a table? and watching one born every minute, Call the Midwife. Well I love Call the Midwife. I absolutely love it. I think it’s really good. And I have been told that it’s quite a good representation of Birth BUT!!. It is a dramatisation and it shows the most dramatic elements of birth. It shows the more scary elements because they are the most exciting storylines. This is the story that we tell ourselves. This is the attitude, the ideas that we are creating in our society!
Charlotte in sex and the city, her water just crashing at the very optimal moment on Big’s shoes. You know, it’s very dramatic, very exciting.
So examine these attitudes and ideas.
Where do they come from?
How do they make you feel?
What do you want to change?
What do you want in your Birth?
That last question, What do I want from Birth?, can be quite a difficult question to answer, because we are told (by what we see, hear etc) that we do not have a choice when it comes to Birth. That we “Do what we are told”, follow the status quo (not just a rock band: the current situation) And I can tell you hundred percent YOU have autonomy over your birth, YOU have choices, YOU are in control! This is YOUR Birth.
You make choices, you can do anything you want and you give consent to what happens over your body!
So, what do you want? What do you want to change?
Once you’ve examined the attitudes and ideas surrounding Birth, let’s think about how we can go about changing our mindset.
Some of the things that you can do:
1. Stop listening, watching or taking part in these negative storylines.
That means, stop watching One Born Every minute or Docudramas about Birth (for the moment). And I’m sorry, I know there’s a new series of Call the Midwife, but maybe if you’re pregnant at the moment, just pause that and watch it later.
People wanting to share their birth stories? (If someone has had a difficult experience they want to share it), It might be worth just saying to them, look, I really want to hear what you’re saying, but can we do this after I’ve given birth? I just want to try and keep a positive mindset.
2. Start reading Positive Birth stories and watching real positive births (not dramatised, well cut & edited versions)
There are loads of Birth stories on Sonamum.com⃝ (including both of mine), more in our Facebook Positive Birth Groups (Aberdeen, Highlands and Angus & Dundee) and even more on the internet as a whole. YouTube is a great place to find Positive Birth videos, but be cautious, and mindful of your own mindset and what you feel is right for you. There are positive birth stories about ALL Births; vaginal, abdominal, unmedicated, epidural, assisted, induction, ALL Births.
Somebody asked me the other day, what is a positive birth and a positive birth is somebody who feels listened to and supported somebody who makes choices in birth that are right for them. Somebody who feels that they are, that their voice is being heard. And they’re not just going along with it. A positive birth can be a lot of different things. And one person’s idea of positive breath could be another person’s traumatic birth, depending on their MINDSET!
3. Gain Knowledge
Gaining knowledge and being prepared, understanding the process and your choices is a massive way of changing your mindset, and in turn the direction of your Birth.
If you can understand what’s happening (even on a basic level), it takes away the fear of the unknown, the sense of being out of control, you are also able to make “informed consent”.. Read some books and articles, attend Hypnobirthing courses, join our Positive Birth Groups, ask questions, go to classes while you are pregnant.
4. Talk to your support network
To nurture and grow your new mindset, it is really helpful that the people around you understand and support you. Make sure, if you have one, your Birth Partner is fully aware of your feelings and choices. Talk to each other. Write a Birth Plan together. Bring them along to your Hypnobirthing classes or antenatal groups.
If there is someone not totally onboard? Ask your Birth Partner to have a word or simply set out your rules and framework to them. They may not agree with you but hopefully they will accept and respect your wishes.
Get a Doula! A Doula is a trained non-medical person who is there to support you and your Birth Partner. To nurture, listen, support, in birth and postnatally. There is evidence that the presence of a Doula reduces the chance of a caesarean or assisted delivery.🔼
5. Learn to Relax
Learning how to relax, tapping into our subconscious is really beneficial in changing our mindset and reducing the fear and the pain of labour. This is what Hypnobirthing is all about.
In a Society where Birth is a taboo, it is really important to get the message that Birth can be a positive, wonderful experience, no matter how it goes. That the way WE think about Birth, the way WE change our mindset can change the mindset of our children and the people around us and slowly change Society as a whole.
I hope you’re having a really cool positive mindset today.
⃞ https://www.sonamum.com/birth-stories/
🔼https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4463913/#:~:text=the%20intrapartum%20period.-,Conclusion,of%20oxytocin%20to%20augment%20labour.
